


Bad Timing

by thekashiwagiway



Category: Nana (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekashiwagiway/pseuds/thekashiwagiway
Summary: Two vignettes from inside Hachi and Nana's relationship where they ruminate on certain feelings.Happy Nana Day 2020!
Relationships: Komatsu Nana/Oosaki Nana
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Bad Timing

**Author's Note:**

> the first part is an old fic that i wrote in 2016 that i wanted to fix up. obviously it isn't very long, so i added a scene inspired by a dream i had. not super substantial but hey, i hope yall enjoy regardless

Ever since she was a little girl, Nana Komatsu dreamt of her ideal future: a big house, a family, and the perfect husband—a knight in shining armor willing to sweep her off her feet, a warrior that would keep her grounded and only expose his softer side to her. Maybe a dog, too.  


The layout of Nana’s house, the way her children’s noses would crinkle when they smile in the same was that her own did, and even the breed of dog she’d pick all came to Nana easily. They appeared so vividly in her imagination that it was almost as if they were there, but just out of her reach. Her husband, though, never felt like more than a cardboard cutout; a flimsy, underdeveloped placeholder character that only existed to complete the carefully constructed blueprint of her fantasy. No matter what she did, no matter what man she superimposed into the life she so desperately wanted, no one felt “right”. No one felt “real”. Not Mr. Okamoto the art teacher, not Nakamura the video store guy, not Kawasaki the chef, not Yoshida the pizza guy, not Takashi, not Shouji. Not even Takumi, Nana’s celebrity crush, completed her vision.  


It was strange. As Nana sat at the table and stared out the window, the words of her roommate echoed through her head. The life she always dreamed of… Not that she should take it so seriously; “Hachi” was relegated to the doghouse after the fact! But still, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. How after so many years, after countless men came and went from her life, a singular comment from Nana Osaki crowned her prince of Hachi’s domestic fantasy.  


It could have been the kiss, too.  


Hachi tried to push it into the recesses of her mind—the kiss, the whole imagining herself as Nana’s housewife of it all. Those thoughts were, to Hachi’s frustration, nothing particularly new. If it wasn’t Nana, it’d be Junko or… Well, she didn’t have many female friends. And not for that reason specifically, but…  


The heavy apartment door swung open, sending a shock through Hachi’s spine.  


“Hachiko!” Nana called from the doorway, a plastic bag hanging from grip. The smell of the cherry-scented Blast cigarettes that Nana claimed she hated wafted into the room with her entrance.  


Nana catapulted herself onto the bench next to Hachi, squishing her body up against the window, and slung an arm around her shoulder. Nana shuffled through the plastic bag with her free hand.  


“Look what I got for my _darling_ little puppy!” she cooed, holding up a small pink collar.  


“I don’t need a collar!” Hachi protested, pushing Nana away playfully.  


Nana held the collar out of her reach. “Yeah, right! All you _do_ is get lost! What if you get out the yard? You’ll never find your way home!”  


They laughed, they cooked dinner together and laughed some more, they went to bed. Such was the routine that Hachi had become accustomed to, that she cherished. Though, lying in bed alone, she always missed having the comfort of someone else’s body heat. It’s not like she and Shouji really shared a bed that often, but those few times had made her spoiled. Hachi began to toss and turn, hoping to find a soft, comforting topic to fall asleep to. Her thoughts wandered to the brief time she and Nana shared a bed. She missed it. She missed the short, quiet chats the two would share before drifting off. That apparently had spoiled her, too.  


Hachi never felt particularly comfortable in bed with Shouji. Not _uncomfortable_ , but not comfortable. The company was nice, but she’d rather sleep in her own bed than Shouji’s if she had the choice. And, if she were willing to admit it to herself, she’d rather sleep in Nana’s bed than in either of her other two available options. She briefly considered pretending to get spooked by something so she could have an excuse to hop under her roommate’s covers, but quickly reconsidered.  


Nana hugged her pillow tightly against her body. She felt childish, like a teenager longing for the most popular guy in school that had no clue she existed. Silly feelings that were as ephemeral and recurrent as the warm summer air, clinging to her body as if to smother her under their weight. She imagined her perfect life—the house, the kids, the dog, and Nana. The two of them shopping together, the two of them sitting on the couch and watching television together, the two of them lying in the same bed and feeling each other’s warmth.  


She lingered on this image of her future. Not for long, but long enough for it to lull her to sleep.  


  


\+ + +  


  


Ever since she was a little girl, Nana Komatsu dreamt of her ideal future: a big house, a family, and the perfect husband… So far, she had none of it.  


Nana told herself she shouldn’t take her life for granted. In the end, none of her problems would have happened if it weren’t for her own selfishness. Her life wasn’t even bad! She had the nicest apartment imaginable, and her fiancé was her ultimate celebrity crush… But she wasn’t married until several months into her pregnancy, and she never got to have a ceremony. Her husband was nothing like the cardboard cutout of a man that she imagined—he was real, for one, but also not the supportive, gentle man she always envisioned. And an apartment doesn’t hold a candle to a house with a yard…  


Nana’s mantra, after coming to terms with anything and everything she felt unsatisfied with in her life, quickly became “this is my fault”.  


She rested a hand on her belly that seemed to grow larger every day. It wasn’t often that Sachiko (the placeholder name inadvertently bestowed upon her baby) kicked, but occasionally, she’d do so as if checking in with her momma. The scent of oil wafted from the kitchen, and Nana could smell the salt like a calling card. She was told to stay in the living room and rest, but she spent so much of her time resting…  


Nana poked her head into the kitchen.  


“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” She asked, her voice taking on much more of a whine than she would’ve wanted.  


“No way, Hachiko!” Nana Osaki scolded in good humor, waving a spatula around. “I don’t want you to get startled and drop your litter prematurely.”  


“I’m not _that_ pregnant!”  


“You're pregnant enough for me to cook for you! But I guess if you’re a good dog, I’ll let you watch.”  


Hachi hovered behind Nana, watching over her shoulder. She knew she’d get scolded if she tried to backseat-cook, so she just loudly winced every time Nana did something wrong. Just as Nana was about to let Hachi have it, the apartment door opened.  


“I’m home!” Takumi called, his smile diminishing when he met eyes with Nana.  


“Welcome back!” Hachi greeted, trying to drown out Nana’s silence.  


Takumi walked just outside the kitchen, leaning in to get a sniff. “What’re you two cooking?”  


“I’ve been trying to figure that out for, like, an hour!” Hachi answered, grabbing the back of Nana’s shirt. “Nana won’t let me cook!”  


“Nana’s cooking, huh? I’ll get some heartburn meds ready.”  


“If there’s enough for you, man!” Nana said over her shoulder.  


Takumi frowned and crossed his arms. As the tension rose in the room, Hachi laughed nervously and tried to make throwaway conversation with Takumi which he ignored. He changed the subject.  


“How come,” he began, “you insist on playing house over here with _my_ wife instead of with Ren?”  


Hachi couldn’t distinguish the heat radiating off the stove from the heat radiating off Nana. The imprint of a vein appeared on her forehead, just itching to pop. She scraped the spatula against the pan violently.  


“God, whatever!” Nana threw the spatula in the sink with a clatter and shut off the stove. “Enjoy your burnt dinner, then, asshole.”  


Hachi, sweat accumulating on the palms of her hands, grabbed Nana by the arm and corralled her into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them. She took a breath and turned around.  


“What’s with you?” She asked.  


“What’s with _him_?” Nana asked in reply, gesturing back towards the door. “I mean, god, do you really _enjoy_ yourself around here? Does he let you do _anything_?”  


Hachi opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. No amount of defending him or explaining the different facets of their relationship would quell Nana’s temper.  


“I get that you don’t like Takumi,” Hachi said, voice wavering. “I know it’s not ideal. But I made my bed, you know? I… I know it’s not some fairytale romance like you and Ren, but—.”  


Hachi was cut off by a bark of a laugh from Nana.  


“Fairytale romance, huh?” She repeated in a sneer.  


“Don’t even! _Every_ relationship has problems! But you two…”  


Hachi realized she knew precious little about Nana and Ren’s relationship and let her voice trail off. They saw each other more often than they had for a while, but the distance between them kept growing wider. Hachi didn’t want to bother Nana with her superficial problems, especially with how much Nana had on her plate. But Nana rarely offered up any information about her own life, either…  


It hurt to sit in silence, to watch Nana shift uncomfortably and tug at the loose fabric on her sleeves. They both felt the tremors when the rift between them started to expand, but they did nothing to stop it. Hachi always feared that Nana _wanted_ the distance after being inundated with Hachi’s complaining for more than six months. So, she would just watch and hope that Nana would step up. But maybe that expectation alone was selfish, too.  


“Nana,” Hachi’s former roommate said, breaking the silence.  


Hachi didn’t know the last time that Nana addressed her by her actual name. She looked at her, worry coloring her face. Nana’s firm gaze softened, and she looked at the ground.  


“What…?” Hachi prompted Nana to continue.  


After a pause, Nana shut her eyes tightly and spoke again: “I love you.”  


A feeling rushed over Hachi; a feeling akin to what she imagined her internal organs all collapsing at once feeling like. A burning sensation spanning her entire body that faded into a painful numbness. Takumi’s voice replayed in her head as if mocking her, saying how Nana loves her. Hachi couldn’t make sense of it at the time; she spent so much of her life trying not to make sense of that sort of thing. What do you do when you’ve wasted so many years? What do you do when your life has become more lie than truth?  


With a sad smile, disregarding the bile in the back of her throat, Hachi sighed. “You sure have bad timing, huh? When I’m married, and you’re about to be…”  


She heard a word get caught in Nana’s throat. Hachi grabbed her hand and spun the engagement ring on Nana’s finger, of which she wore the twin.  


“I…” Nana started again, swallowing hard. “What I told you before. I can take care of you. Of your baby.”  


“You wouldn’t do that to Ren.”  


Nana still couldn’t look at her. She stared so intently at a spot on the floor that Hachi kept glancing over to see if something was actually there. A breath of Nana’s sounded… Off. And, not risking it, using it as a flimsy excuse, Hachi embraced Nana and buried her face into her neck, inhaling her cologne and the scent of a brand of cigarettes the claimed she stopped smoking. Nana’s hands shook as they took hold of Hachi’s hips. She leaned her face into her shoulder.  


Hachi was not the type of person that held a grudge. Hachi was not the type of person that held animosity for people who’ve wronged her. She felt nothing short of complete ambivalence towards Shouji, for example, despite how he’d wronged her. In that moment, though, the only feeling she could conceptualize was visceral hatred for Ren and Takumi—two people whom she cared for dearly. Even with the immediate onset guilt for the feeling, she couldn’t shake it.  


No one would consider Hachi someone who thought ahead. No one would consider Hachi a planner. With a baby coming, though, she no longer had the luxury of doing anything on impulse alone, without any foresight. So, she made a plan that she quickly discarded. She could let go of Takumi, and even be happier for it. For every moment where Hachi felt as though she were living a dream, there were at least three more where she felt as though she were living in her own personal hell. But she couldn’t give up the stability that staying with Takumi provided without assurance, assurance that she knew Nana couldn’t give her.  


The way that Nana depended on Ren… The way that Hachi knew Nana loved Ren, worshipped the ground he walked on… She’d give Hachi up for him in a second. Holding Nana in her arms, feeling her tremble, her arms tighten around Hachi’s waist, her hot tears on her shoulder, Hachi said a silent prayer.  


_God, Buddha, Demon Lord,_ she recited, an incantation that she would regret for the rest of her life, _I would do anything for Ren to disappear._


End file.
